Archive for the ‘I’m a Bully, but I want to stop’ Category

Tring Martial Arts Academy. The number one way to combat bullying.

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013

As parents, we do everything we can to protect our children from harm and to provide them with the skills they need to be healthy, successful adults. The problem is we are not with them all the time. What our children do at school is sometimes a mystery to us. Are they polite to their teachers? Do they participate in class? Are they bullying other kids? Are they being bullied? There is something you can do to help get them on track to be successful in school and to avoid the bully-trap – even when you’re not around: Enrol them in their first martial arts class at Tring Martial Arts Academy.

One of the biggest misconceptions about enrolling children and teenagers in martial arts is that the children become aggressive and, therefore, a likely bully. The fact is, however, that martial arts do just the opposite. Bullies often have sense of superiority over others and their environments and lack impulse control. Often time, bullies don’t know how to manage their anger so they take it out on people they deem weaker than themselves. Many times, bullies are being, or have been, bullied at some point in their lives as well. Tring Martial arts can help solve these problems.

Martial arts can also help kids who are being bullied. Bullies thrive on attacking (physically or emotionally) people that they see as weak. Children who are bullied often have (generally as a result of the bullying) low confidence levels, inability to concentrate on school work, lack of focus and high stress levels which make them look even weaker. Tring Martial arts can help solve these problems too.

The many benefits of martial arts for children are a great way to combat bullying, but as you read on, you’ll see that the benefits extend way past bullying and will help your children succeed in other areas of their lives as well:

Concentration and Focus.

Training in martial arts is not a mindless activity. It requires complete concentration and focus at all times during training. The best part about this needed concentration, however, is that it carries over into all parts of your children’s lives. You’ll notice (and your children’s teachers will probably also notice) that they will be able to focus more on their school work and they might even have more successful grades.

Confidence and Control

Martial arts will help your children get in tune with their minds and bodies. This will help kids better understand themselves, their actions and their options. They know that they don’t need to lose their temper to handle stressful situations and they’ll also know that they have the ability to physically defend themselves if needed. All of this knowledge will increase their confidence and over all demeanour, making them appear (and be) stronger individuals and less likely to be a victim of a bully. It will also help prevent them from bullying others because they will be more aware of themselves and those around them.

Stress Reduction.

You probably already know that physical exercise is a great stress reliever for you. Do you also know that it works for your children as well? Any type of exercise such as jogging or playing sports can relieve the physical stress that your children feel from daily life – and it may be more than you’d expect. Studying martial arts goes one step further, however. It will also help your children relieve their emotional stress because martial arts require them to concentrate their training, not dwell on their problems.


If you send your children to the right school, their martial arts instructors will both command and deserve respect from all of their students. They will also be able to instil in your children that all people deserve respect, especially adults.

Tring Martial Arts Academyanti bullyingHelping to keep our children and community safe.

Why do people bully others..

Friday, March 22nd, 2013


Written by Joseph Maydom, Ashlyns School (Work Experience at Tring Martial Arts Academy)

People bully other people for a number of reasons, It varies from case to case and it’s often personal and complicated but common reasons include:

  • ·         Family problems.
  • ·         They are being bullied themselves and are taking out their stress on other people as a result.
  • ·         Jealousy.
  • ·         They have been spoilt and are used to getting their own way on every subject.
  • ·         They feel lonely.
  • ·         They feel unimportant and bullying makes them feel powerful.
  • ·         They think that if they suffer something every one else should be made to suffer as well.

However sometimes the reasons why people bully other people are a lot more menacing:

·      The bully may be in incredibly cruel and may enjoy watching the suffering of others.

·      Sometimes it is because the bully is racist towards a certain group of people, this is one of the reasons that (very rarely and in extreme circumstances) drives people to extreme views and beliefs.

·      Some bullies are discriminatory towards disabled people because they are cowards and view those with physical and mental disabilities as easy targets.

·      Some bullies don’t care about anybody except themselves.

If you would like to talk to someone if you being bullied or if you are a bully and want to stop then call Child line on 0800 1111

Tring Martial Arts – Keeping our kids safe – 01442 768057

I find myself bullying others, how do I stop?

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

There are many reasons why people find themselves Bullying others, the fact that you are reading this is the first step to acknowledging that you are doing so, and whilst it may take a long time for you to turn your life around a good starting point could be the list below.  As a martial arts instructor I work with so many children and adults who are victims of bullying, so please make the change today!

Admit to yourself that you are a bully
The first step in stopping bullying is admitting that what you are doing is hurting another person. When you know that, you can figure out how to stop.

Say sorry to the people you are bullying
It takes a great deal of courage to admit what you are doing is wrong, and apologise sincerely.

Think about what is making you bully someone
Is there something happening in your life which is making you upset, frustrated or angry?

Stop yourself from sending an abusive message
Sending a message, writing a post, a tweet, an email or a text which is designed to hurt someone else is bullying. Even if you’ve written the message out, you can delete it.

Stop yourself from sharing or commenting on an abusive post or message
Even a comment like LOL or a smiley face on an abusive post can make the other person feel much worse, like they’re being ganged up on.

Find a new way to gain people’s respect
Find a way to gain people’s genuine respect. This could be as simple as resolving to answer more questions in lessons. You could practise your favourite sport and become fitter or work on a talent, like singing, dance or drawing.

Speak to ChildLine
You might worry that no-one will help you if you admit to bullying. We won’t judge you or put you down – ChildLine are here to listen to you, no matter what your worry is.

Tring Martial Arts Academy– Keeping our kids safe

Dear Santa, please can I have a world without bullies?!

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

Christmas is an awful time for the vulnerable and the risks of bullying is very high.  What drives the bullies to pick on our kids, maybe its the amount of presents one receives, the perceived value or even jealousy.  So lets all try to remember that Christmas is meant to be a happy time for everyone and lets to encourage our kids not to judge others and likewise not to listen to negative or abusive comments from their friends.

Merry Christmas from Tring Anti Bullying and Tring Martial Arts.

Martial Arts: Help Stop Bullying for Good!!

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

posted by James Laver, Work Experience 2012

As teenagers progress through secondary school, their social groups expand, which often means getting involved with new people. In some cases, under the right influence, this can be beneficial, but for others, peer pressure and bullying may play a major role in a teenager’s life and can lead to depression, self-conscience and anger issues.

According to (a website which supports young adults and children) it is said that 1 in 4 bullies will hold a criminal record by the time they are 30. This is a huge amount, and rapidly increasing. This may be due to anger, domestic problems, or family issues such as a parents divorce. They may feel lonely, isolated and this can lead them to take their anger out on others. They target people who are different or weaker then themselves.

But both bullies and victims can relieve their anger, self-conciseness and depression through activities such as martial arts. It helps bullies relieve stress, and therefore means they do not feel the need to lash out at others. They have a target, a purpose and something to look forward to every week. They can work their way up the ladder, and strive to be the best. Similarly, victims of bullying feel a boost of confidence, and don’t feel the need to be scared of going to school. They can stand up to their bullies and no longer feel threatened in everyday life. Martial arts is not just kicking and punching, but a way of relaxing, unwinding, and tackling bullying for good.

Let Tring Martial Arts Academy help you or your family member to understand how, why and when to defend themselves.


Why do some people bully?

Monday, May 28th, 2012

Why do some people bully?

There are lots of different reasons as to why people become bullies. Possibilities include…

  • having family problems
  • being bullied themselves
  • being selfish or spoilt and always want to get their own way
  • having no friends and feel lonely
  • feeling bad about themselves and want to make other feel bad too
  • taking out their own frustration on others
  • feeling insecure and unimportant – bullying gives them power
  • bullied into joining a bully gang and have gone along with things just to keep on the bully’s good side
  • not understanding how bad victims feel

Bullies use ‘differences’ e.g. ‘wearing glasses’, ‘too good at exams’ and ‘too creative’ as an excuse for their bad behaviour. It’s not the ‘difference’ in the victim that’s the problem – it’s the bullies who have the problem because they are:

  • Afraid
  • Jealous
  • Envious
  • Cruel
  • Angry
  • Insecure
  • Unhappy

Remember differences make people interesting and unique.


Tring Martial Arts – helping keep our kids safe 

I am a bully, what can I do to stop?

Monday, May 28th, 2012

If you are a bully, then you can change. Firstly, try and work out why you bully others.

  • Do you mean to upset or hurt others?
  • Do you know when you are bullying?
  • Is something making you miserable?
  • Do you feel left out or lonely at school?
  • Is someone picking on you?
  • Is there a particular person that you pick on?
  • Does something make you feel angry or frustrated?
  • Do you go around with a gang which bullies people?

How can I stop bullying?

Apologise to your former victim – Do it privately and don’t be upset if they are still suspicious of you – they just need to get used to the ‘new you’

Get a job or do voluntary work – people outside school won’t know that you have been a bully and won’t be put of by your reputation

Develop new interests – find out about local clubs and groups you could join

Talk to someone about the problem

Take positive steps to help yourself. Some adults who were bullies as children often end up with all sorts of problems – failed relationships, few friends, frequent job changes, even prison records.

Save yourself future grief by stopping bullying now.

Tring Martial Arts – helping keep our kids safe 

Sibling Bullying and how to prevent it

Monday, May 28th, 2012

extracted from an article published byThe Independant

ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD Jessica is terrified of the bully lying in wait. Every day she is baited, kicked and slapped. Her only solution, she reckons, is to run away from home. For Jessica’s 14-year-old tormentor is her sister.


Jessica is one of the desperate children who have rung ChildLine in recent months, targets of sibling bullying and abuse. Of the calls the charity receives about brothers and sisters, 15 per cent involve serious violence.

Scotland Yard’s child protection unit has 318 cases of sibling violence on its 1991 file, including two murders and 30 cases of GBH. But these are only the most extreme cases. It says nothing of the countless children for whom sibling bullying may not lead to a tragedy but certainly leaves bruised minds if not bodies.

Inquiries within our circle of friends alone threw up a surprising number of adults who had suffered at the hands of a brother or sister: knives and even airguns had been used.

In the United States, where the problem has been slowly gaining recognition since the late Seventies, research has indicated that sibling violence – biting, kicking, punching and attacks with implements – is the most common form of domestic violence. Three recent studies reveal that though aggression is more likely to erupt between same-sex siblings, boys and girls are equally aggressive. Other research suggests that siblings do not often ‘tell’ on each other.

Dr Sue Edwards, a domestic violence expert at the University of Buckingham, believes that although we do not hear about abusive brothers and sisters, there are plenty of them. ‘I think we can say it’s a deep, dark secret,’ she says. ‘I don’t know how we would know about it anyway, because what voice does a child really have? Where would a sibling go? How could a 13-year-old girl go to the police and say, ‘My 15-year-old sister is punching me’?’

Dr Edwards believes that the problem is likely to be masked because children are seen as equals. Aggression is usually seen as no more than ‘kids will be kids’ fisticuffs, or good old-fashioned sibling rivalry. ‘It’s been internalised in our language,’ she says, ‘mothers saying ‘it’s six of one and half a dozen of another’ and ‘I’ll knock your heads together’. Fighting is seen as almost an innocent form of development – yet where are the boundaries?’

Childcare experts seem to agree that sibling rivalry reaches danger point when a pecking order takes root. Fighting moves beyond the two-way aggression of normal sibling squabbles and one child is dominant. One child might break up the other’s possessions, even turn on the other’s personal pet.

Dr Penelope Leach, a child development expert, believes parents must rid themselves of the ‘blood is thicker than water’ notion which says that whatever happens within the family must be all right.

‘There’s this great desire to assume, ‘Yes, it’s a love/hate relationship but the love’s always stronger’,’ she says. ‘That’s probably usually true, but you have to be alert to the possibility that it isn’t true. Parents have to ask themselves, ‘Would this behaviour be acceptable if it were school friends rather than siblings?’ ‘

Dr Leach cites an example of one family in which three children, all now successful professionals, lived under the tyranny of the eldest brother. ‘Mostly it was extreme bossiness and power play and they were very frightened of him and have never forgiven or forgotten. It was a real factor in what they felt about going home and desperately not wanting their parents to go out in the evening. The youngest girl grew up with extremely low self-esteem, feeling fat and stupid, and she puts a great deal of that at her brother’s feet.

‘Her parents were aware but they didn’t take it seriously enough. I know the mother would have taken it very seriously if the children had felt the same way about their father. But because there were four children it was a case of ‘Well, we must all try and rub along together and it’s natural to feel like this about a big brother’.’

One possible cause is that children who feel powerless within their family can empower themselves by dominating another sibling. Or a child who is given too much responsibility for their brothers and sisters can lash out at them in anger at their parents.

And there is anecdotal evidence that children who are smacked by their parents may respond with violence against their siblings.

Child psychologists urge parents to be careful how they handle the birth of a new child. An older child can experience overwhelming fears of loss of love and attention and if the transition is not handled in a balanced way it can spark off the intense jealousy that can breed violence.

Margaret McAllister, an educational psychologist, says parents’ ill-judged comparisons between their children can be the harbingers of bullying. ‘A parent might ask a child to model him or herself on another, or else blame the child for not living up to superior qualities in another sibling,’ she says. ‘But covert comparisons may be made by the child. If a child observes that a sibling is preferred, he or she will make the comparison – and react.’

Her advice is to look out for signs of trouble and act. ‘If any parent thinks the relationship between their children isn’t a healthy one, they should seek outside help. Go to a GP for referral to a therapist or ask teachers about seeing an educational psychologist.’

Tring Martial Arts – helping to keep our kids safe

I think my child is bullying others – what should I do?

Sunday, January 15th, 2012

I found this great article by a site called and thought everyone should read it.  Typically its in the US because they always seem to be one step ahead of the rest of the world when it comes to things like this, nevertheless it’s well worth reading.

Your gut instinct is right; bullying must be taken seriously. There can be serious short- and long-term consequences for everyone involved, not just the victim of bullying.

The Committee for Children reports that:

  • Children who bully are more likely to experience a decline in their peer group status, which becomes more and more important in your child’s social development as they enter the teen years; and
  • Children who bully and continue this behavior as adults have greater difficulty developing and maintaining positive relationships.

It can be difficult to hear that your child is bullying others, but denial won’t help the situation. The first step is to talk with your child about what you have heard. KidsHealth recommends a few questions to ask your child that might help get the conversation started and help you understand the situation so you can take appropriate action:

  • How are things going at school and at home?
  • Are you being bullied?
  • Do you get along with other kids at school?
  • How do you treat other children?
  • What do you think about being considered a bully?

Signs that My Child Is a Bully

Given the short- and long-term consequences not only for victims but for the bullies as well, it is important to keep an eye out for signs that your child may be bullying others. The Committee for Children reports that a child who bullies may exhibit some of the following behaviors:

  • Frequent name-calling (describing others as ‘wimps’ or ‘jerks’);
  • Regular bragging;
  • A need to always get his own way;
  • Spending a lot of time with younger or less powerful kids;
  • A lack of empathy for others; and
  • A defiant or hostile attitude (easily takes offense).

Tips to Help Your Child Stop Bullying

  • Schedule an appointment to talk with school staff such as your child’s teacher(s) and the school counselor. School staff that work with your child every day may be able to help you understand why your child is bullying and provide you with some tools to work with your child.
  • Explain to your child that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. Stop any show of aggression you see, and talk about other ways your child can deal with the situation. Establish appropriate consequences for her actions such as taking away privileges and allowing your child to earn them back with appropriate behavior.
  • Examine behavior and interactions in your own home. Is there something at home that is encouraging this type of behavior such as violent media of some kind in the form of video games, television or movies? Are there interactions that may lower your child’s self-esteem such as constant teasing or taunting by a sibling? When you discipline your child, are you focusing on how the behavior is unacceptable rather than your child?
  • Talk with your child about who his friends are and what they do together. Peers can be very influential, especially for teens. If your child is hanging around with kids who bully and encourage bullying behavior, you may want talk with him about getting involved in activities that will help him make other friends.
  • Talk with the parents of your child’s peers about bullying. Discuss your concerns and what you can do together to change the behavior of your children.
  • Model respect, kindness and empathy. You are your child’s role model and she will learn to treat others with respect by watching you.
  • Consider talking to your child’s pediatrician about your child’s behavior. They may have some tips and they may be able to refer you to a mental health clinician that will be helpful in understanding and resolving the problem.
  • Be realistic. Your child’s behavior will not change over night. When you are talking with your child, try to focus on how the behavior is unacceptable, not your child, and show your support for your child with praise for appropriate behavior.
  • Continue to work and communicate with school staff as long as it takes. They should be your allies; working with you to not only put an end to your child’s bullying, but also to prevent any bullying in the school.

Tring Martial Arts – keeping our kids safe

Anti Bullying Advice

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

Courtesy of Bullying UK 

Bullies are very cunning and are expert at getting away with it.

We all know that bullying goes on in every school but it’s the way it’s dealt with which makes the difference between life being tolerable or a misery.

How to solve the problem

If you are being bullied, tell a friend, tell a teacher and tell your parents. It won’t stop unless you do. It can be hard to do this so if you don’t feel you can do it in person it might be easier to write a note to your parents explaining how you feel, or perhaps confide in someone outside the immediate family, like a grandparent, aunt, uncle or cousin and ask them to help you tell your parents what’s going on.

Your form tutor needs to know what is going on so try to find a time to tell him/her when it won’t be noticeable. You could stay behind on the pretext of needing help with some work. If you don’t feel you can do that, then go to the medical room and speak to the school nurse.

The best idea is if a teacher can catch the bullies red-handed. That way, you won’t get into bother from anyone for telling tales. It will be clear to everyone what has been going on. Don’t be tempted to hit back because you could get hurt or get into trouble.

Bullying includes:
  • People calling you names
  • Making things up to get you into trouble
  • Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
  • Taking things away from you
  • Damaging your belongings
  • Stealing your money
  • Taking your friends away from you
  • Posting insulting messages on the internet or by IM (cyberbullying)
  • Spreading rumours
  • Threats and intimidation
  • Making silent or abusive phone calls
  • Sending you offensive phone texts
  • Bullies can also frighten you so that you don’t want to go to school, so that you pretend to be ill to avoid them
Hitting someone is an assault.

Try to stay in safe areas of the school at break and lunchtime where there are plenty of other people. Bullies don’t like witnesses. If you are hurt at school, tell a teacher immediately and ask for it to be written down. Make sure you tell your parents.

Bullying is upsetting

Bullying is very upsetting and if you feel you can’t cope, tell your parents and go to see your doctor. Many doctors are very sympathetic about the effects of bullying and yours may be able to write a note for the school explaining the effect that bullying is having on your health.

You could think about judo or martial arts classes so that you are confident you can look after yourself if necessary.

If people are making nasty remarks about you then it may be because they are jealous. Perhaps you’re better looking than they are or work harder or perhaps the teachers like you better. One way of dealing with remarks is simply to say …yeah, whatever, …. each time so that you show them that it isn’t having the effect of upsetting you in the way they think.

The bullies will have worked out what buttons to push to make you upset.

They may make remarks about:
  • Your weight
  • Your looks
  • The colour of your hair
  • Your family
  • Your schoolwork
  • If you are popular
  • If you work hard
  • If you have a disability
  • If you are a different religion, colour or culture
  • If you wear spectacles or a hearing aid
  • If you have dyslexia or dyspraxia
  • If you’ve been off school due to illness

Bullying UK gets emails from pupils who have stopped eating because they’ve been called fat, or stupid because they have dyslexia. One girl tried to burn her freckles off because of cruel remarks.

The thing all these pupils had in common is that they were perfectly ordinary, nice people who had the misfortune to come up against a very nasty person.

Tring Martial Arts Black Belt Academy – Striving to keep our kids safe!