Archive for the ‘Workplace Bullying’ Category

Why do people bully others..

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

 

Written by Joseph Maydom, Ashlyns School (Work Experience at Tring Martial Arts Academy)

People bully other people for a number of reasons, It varies from case to case and it’s often personal and complicated but common reasons include:

  • ·         Family problems.
  • ·         They are being bullied themselves and are taking out their stress on other people as a result.
  • ·         Jealousy.
  • ·         They have been spoilt and are used to getting their own way on every subject.
  • ·         They feel lonely.
  • ·         They feel unimportant and bullying makes them feel powerful.
  • ·         They think that if they suffer something every one else should be made to suffer as well.

However sometimes the reasons why people bully other people are a lot more menacing:

·      The bully may be in incredibly cruel and may enjoy watching the suffering of others.

·      Sometimes it is because the bully is racist towards a certain group of people, this is one of the reasons that (very rarely and in extreme circumstances) drives people to extreme views and beliefs.

·      Some bullies are discriminatory towards disabled people because they are cowards and view those with physical and mental disabilities as easy targets.

·      Some bullies don’t care about anybody except themselves.

If you would like to talk to someone if you being bullied or if you are a bully and want to stop then call Child line on 0800 1111

Tring Martial Arts – Keeping our kids safe – 01442 768057

I find myself bullying others, how do I stop?

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

There are many reasons why people find themselves Bullying others, the fact that you are reading this is the first step to acknowledging that you are doing so, and whilst it may take a long time for you to turn your life around a good starting point could be the list below.  As a martial arts instructor I work with so many children and adults who are victims of bullying, so please make the change today!

Admit to yourself that you are a bully
The first step in stopping bullying is admitting that what you are doing is hurting another person. When you know that, you can figure out how to stop.

Say sorry to the people you are bullying
It takes a great deal of courage to admit what you are doing is wrong, and apologise sincerely.

Think about what is making you bully someone
Is there something happening in your life which is making you upset, frustrated or angry?

Stop yourself from sending an abusive message
Sending a message, writing a post, a tweet, an email or a text which is designed to hurt someone else is bullying. Even if you’ve written the message out, you can delete it.

Stop yourself from sharing or commenting on an abusive post or message
Even a comment like LOL or a smiley face on an abusive post can make the other person feel much worse, like they’re being ganged up on.

Find a new way to gain people’s respect
Find a way to gain people’s genuine respect. This could be as simple as resolving to answer more questions in lessons. You could practise your favourite sport and become fitter or work on a talent, like singing, dance or drawing.

Speak to ChildLine
You might worry that no-one will help you if you admit to bullying. We won’t judge you or put you down – ChildLine are here to listen to you, no matter what your worry is.

http://www.childline.org.uk

Tring Martial Arts Academy– Keeping our kids safe

Self Defence is not a hobby…

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

                                                                                                                                                                                   Self Defence is not a hobby, it is a life skill.

I was prompted to write this blog today as a result of recent chats with a couple of parents who have just withdrawn their children from our martial arts classes so they can concentrate on other “hobbies”.  I’m very open to children getting a wide variety of experiences in different past times and sports but I think as parents we should also be looking to equip our kids with a very important life skill – Self Defence.

But what constitutes self defence, well most peoples immediate thought would be physical confrontations, using physical skills to defend yourself, but I believe that 90% of self defence is actually in the mind, attitude and how you conduct yourself.  Self Confidence is the biggest skill to defending yourself, knowing that you can defend yourself physically manifests within the martial artist as self confidence but the discipline and respect tied into formal training is what stops that person crossing the line and using their skills in anger.

I get very dissappointed when I hear Martial Arts and Self Defence being lumped into the bracket of hobbies along with Street Dance, Choir Practice, Golf, Rugby, Cricket etc.  Now I love all of these things, perhaps not Choir as I’m not religious and not street dance as I look like a Lizard standing up right receiving electric shocks when I dance.  But each of these “hobbies” have their place and are great for our kids, the level of choice kids have nowadays is amazing, certainly more than when I was growing up.

But I want to urge all parents, let them have their hobbies but insist they learn the life skill of self defence.  If I were in charge of the national curriculm, I would make it part of school life.  If your kids don’t want to go to school, do you let them stay at home or make them go??  You make them go.  But why?  Because school is important for their future, for their lives!

Self defence cannot be a hobby that can be picked up and dropped, it should be a life skill, it should be the one or two days per week that we as parents say no, your’re going to class, the other three days are for your hobbies.

Tring Martial Arts Academy – Keeping our kids safe!

Written by Christopher Allen, Chief Instructor

Poker Face!

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

Some young people don’t know how to respond to being teased and bullied and show the embarrassment and anger on their faces. This is what bullies and teasers want! They want to SEE it bother you! Once they see it bother you they will do it again and again to see the same reaction over and over again.

Use the Poker Face! The term “poker face” came about from the card game poker. The term is used to describe how people in the poker game are supposed to make a bets – they use a blank expression on their faces when betting money (the poker face) so the other people in the game cannot read the expression to find out if the person betting money is holding good cards or bad cards. If someone has a happy face on they have a good hand so the others in the game do not bet a lot of money. If someone has an angry or sad face on they have a bad hand so the others bet A LOT of money. Are you starting to get it? The secret to playing poker correctly is the “Poker Face.” The secret to dealing with bullying and teasing is the Poker Face! How? Well by keeping an emotionless and expressionless face on while being teased and/or bullied sends the other kid the message that the teasing and/bullying “WILL NOT GET TO ME NO MATTER WHAT!” This prevents the bully or teaser from thinking you are a good target for bullying or teasing. This works! Use it all the time! by Tom Letson NJ SAC LPC

Tring Martial Arts Academy – Keeping Kids Safe – Tel 0845 094 8805

 

Am I being followed?

Monday, October 31st, 2011

posted by Christopher Allen, Tring Krav Maga

Question: Have you ever thought you were being followed? What do you do?

If you think you are being followed: Make a sudden turn, cross the street, accelerate, or go into a nearby business. If being followed by a car, reverse your direction – it will take them a much longer time to turn around and they will likely just continue on to find a different target. If you are unable to shake the follower, turn around and scream, “What do you want?” in your most indignant voice. This is likely to embarrass the innocent and frighten off a large portion of potential attackers. If this doesn’t work, now you must:

(more…)

Non Verbal Communication – A guide to reducing the risk of being bullied

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

Posted by Admin

Believe it or not, words and language are actually your SECONDARY form of communication. That’s right, whether you’re aware of it or not, your main form of communication is not transmitted verbally, but rather nonverbally. (more…)

Can I learn from someone younger than me – a case of social bullying??

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

Posted by Christopher Allen – Tring Martial Arts Blog – click here for link to original article

I posted this article on my Tring Martial Arts Tumblr blog page at the end of September 2011, but have been suprised by how many people have contacted me regarding it.  It seems that many people in all walks of life have faced challenges either to their ability or knowledge and more frequently through discrimination over their sex and age (or both).

I thought therefore I would re-post this article on Tring Anti Bullying, under Workplace Bullying.  I hope that readers of this blog will find this article useful, perhaps people will think twice about their criticism of others when they recognise that their comments and actions could be received as bullying.

Does a river not start with a small spring high up in the hills?

The other day I was approached in the street by a man in his mid to late 40’s, he was interested in coming to learn Kickboxing, he looked at my polo shirt and noticed it said “Chief Instructor”, he remarked that he had never met an instructor younger than him, and that he might find it difficult to take instruction from someone of my age (36). I was shocked, but upon reflection I wasn’t suprised, its a comment or thought that I have faced many times in my career as an instructor.

What I find most peculiar is that a student, and even sometimes a black belt student feels that should someone younger than them be responsible for a class, that in some way the instruction doesn’t apply to them. I think a culprit for this could be the stereotypical martial art master, as depicted in the Kill Bill films and others of the genre, yes age does carry alot of gravitas and certainly the longer you spend honing your art, the more rounded the instructor you will be. But everyone can learn from others.

Black Belt students achieve much whilst training, but there is a sad and disturbing fact that many of the students who reach this lofty goal, forget the role that their instructors played in getting them to this pinnacle of achievement. They forget the many times their instructors spent encouraging and nuturing them, instead they can forget that the path of a martial artist is about self development not self fulfilment, we must strive to be the best person when can be, not just the best fighter, we must strive to be humble. In fact, even if we reach 10th Dan, we still have so much to learn and know that we still have much to learn.

There is one important fact that I will always remember, even though I teach full time, I am still a student of Martial Arts, I can still learn, even from those younger than me. For instance, I went on a Tai Chi course a couple of years ago to train with a Chinese man called Master Wang Xun of Zhengzhou, Henan Province in China. He was 27 years old and ironically, he started training in the martial arts with his father when he was 9 years old, the same time I had started. Did I think that this younger man couldn’t teach me anything? Did I think that because of my status, rank or experience I should disrespect him by messing about or by trying to look down at him, (both literally and metaphorically)? No, of course not, I learnt so much from him, my tai chi practice improved dramatically!

Over the years I have attended many seminars, courses and other events, I’ve met and trained with instructors who are amazing in their abilities and their capabilities as instructors, many of whom were younger than me. I have many certificates and awards, but the most important one is my White Belt certificate, it reminds me of where I started and how far I have come, it also reminds me that I still have much to learn and to give.

Can a Man learn from an Animal?

Lets take a look back, far back in the early Chinese civilisation, who’s society formed centuries before ours in the West. There, Monks of Shaolin and other locations became the victims of bandits, they needed to defend themselves and chose to replicate the movements of animals. (Monkey, Snake, Tiger, White Crane) These animals were certainly not as old as the monks, yet their movements were revered.

If we want to learn to improve ourselves, to be the ultimate martial artist, then we must remember that we can learn from anyone.

My message is this, if a monk can learn to defend himself by copying an animal, then we can learn from any human, regardless of age!

Christopher Allen

Tring Martial Arts

How do I know if you are being bullied and what could I do about it?

Sunday, September 4th, 2011

According to www.bullying.org.uk  Bullying differs from harassment and assault in that the latter can result from a single incident or small number of incidents – which everybody recognises as harassment or assault – whereas bullying tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time.

There are things you can do to deflect people who bully:

  1. Act more confident. If a person who bullies feels that they don’t have any power over you, it takes the ‘fun’ out of it for them .

  2. Hang around with friends or an adult at times when you’re most in danger of being bullied.

  3. Don’t fight back. It can make the situation worse.Tell someone you trust, a teacher or adult. 

  4. Fight Back – didn’t I just advocate not fighting back?  Well, simple put, don’t be a victim especially if you believe you are going to be seriously assaulted, they have not right to hurt you but you have every right to defend yourself. 

I believe that Martial Arts can really help to build your confidence and boost your esteem, and whilst you might not want to hurt people, you should want to defend yourself from people who might want to hurt you!  Find yourself a good martial arts instructor / club, phone them and discuss your problems or concerns, if you feel comfortable with them then book a free trial and go along.  If you live in or near Tring, then let Tring Martial Arts help you to over come your fears – see our website http://www.tringmartialarts.com for more information or call Chris or Paula on 0845 094 8805. 

 A shameless plug of my martial arts club?  Well yes, I believe in martial arts and learning self defence and hosting this blog and updating it with relevant content that I think can help individuals avoid the pain of being bullied takes time and money – so yes I will promote my club, why not!

Christopher Allen, Chief Instructor, Tring Martial Arts.