Posts Tagged ‘Bullying Reason’

Tring Martial Arts Academy. The number one way to combat bullying.

Wednesday, April 17th, 2013

As parents, we do everything we can to protect our children from harm and to provide them with the skills they need to be healthy, successful adults. The problem is we are not with them all the time. What our children do at school is sometimes a mystery to us. Are they polite to their teachers? Do they participate in class? Are they bullying other kids? Are they being bullied? There is something you can do to help get them on track to be successful in school and to avoid the bully-trap – even when you’re not around: Enrol them in their first martial arts class at Tring Martial Arts Academy.

One of the biggest misconceptions about enrolling children and teenagers in martial arts is that the children become aggressive and, therefore, a likely bully. The fact is, however, that martial arts do just the opposite. Bullies often have sense of superiority over others and their environments and lack impulse control. Often time, bullies don’t know how to manage their anger so they take it out on people they deem weaker than themselves. Many times, bullies are being, or have been, bullied at some point in their lives as well. Tring Martial arts can help solve these problems.

Martial arts can also help kids who are being bullied. Bullies thrive on attacking (physically or emotionally) people that they see as weak. Children who are bullied often have (generally as a result of the bullying) low confidence levels, inability to concentrate on school work, lack of focus and high stress levels which make them look even weaker. Tring Martial arts can help solve these problems too.

The many benefits of martial arts for children are a great way to combat bullying, but as you read on, you’ll see that the benefits extend way past bullying and will help your children succeed in other areas of their lives as well:

Concentration and Focus.

Training in martial arts is not a mindless activity. It requires complete concentration and focus at all times during training. The best part about this needed concentration, however, is that it carries over into all parts of your children’s lives. You’ll notice (and your children’s teachers will probably also notice) that they will be able to focus more on their school work and they might even have more successful grades.

Confidence and Control

Martial arts will help your children get in tune with their minds and bodies. This will help kids better understand themselves, their actions and their options. They know that they don’t need to lose their temper to handle stressful situations and they’ll also know that they have the ability to physically defend themselves if needed. All of this knowledge will increase their confidence and over all demeanour, making them appear (and be) stronger individuals and less likely to be a victim of a bully. It will also help prevent them from bullying others because they will be more aware of themselves and those around them.

Stress Reduction.

You probably already know that physical exercise is a great stress reliever for you. Do you also know that it works for your children as well? Any type of exercise such as jogging or playing sports can relieve the physical stress that your children feel from daily life – and it may be more than you’d expect. Studying martial arts goes one step further, however. It will also help your children relieve their emotional stress because martial arts require them to concentrate their training, not dwell on their problems.

Respect.

If you send your children to the right school, their martial arts instructors will both command and deserve respect from all of their students. They will also be able to instil in your children that all people deserve respect, especially adults.

Tring Martial Arts Academyanti bullyingHelping to keep our children and community safe.

Why do people bully others..

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

 

Written by Joseph Maydom, Ashlyns School (Work Experience at Tring Martial Arts Academy)

People bully other people for a number of reasons, It varies from case to case and it’s often personal and complicated but common reasons include:

  • ·         Family problems.
  • ·         They are being bullied themselves and are taking out their stress on other people as a result.
  • ·         Jealousy.
  • ·         They have been spoilt and are used to getting their own way on every subject.
  • ·         They feel lonely.
  • ·         They feel unimportant and bullying makes them feel powerful.
  • ·         They think that if they suffer something every one else should be made to suffer as well.

However sometimes the reasons why people bully other people are a lot more menacing:

·      The bully may be in incredibly cruel and may enjoy watching the suffering of others.

·      Sometimes it is because the bully is racist towards a certain group of people, this is one of the reasons that (very rarely and in extreme circumstances) drives people to extreme views and beliefs.

·      Some bullies are discriminatory towards disabled people because they are cowards and view those with physical and mental disabilities as easy targets.

·      Some bullies don’t care about anybody except themselves.

If you would like to talk to someone if you being bullied or if you are a bully and want to stop then call Child line on 0800 1111

Tring Martial Arts – Keeping our kids safe – 01442 768057

I find myself bullying others, how do I stop?

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

There are many reasons why people find themselves Bullying others, the fact that you are reading this is the first step to acknowledging that you are doing so, and whilst it may take a long time for you to turn your life around a good starting point could be the list below.  As a martial arts instructor I work with so many children and adults who are victims of bullying, so please make the change today!

Admit to yourself that you are a bully
The first step in stopping bullying is admitting that what you are doing is hurting another person. When you know that, you can figure out how to stop.

Say sorry to the people you are bullying
It takes a great deal of courage to admit what you are doing is wrong, and apologise sincerely.

Think about what is making you bully someone
Is there something happening in your life which is making you upset, frustrated or angry?

Stop yourself from sending an abusive message
Sending a message, writing a post, a tweet, an email or a text which is designed to hurt someone else is bullying. Even if you’ve written the message out, you can delete it.

Stop yourself from sharing or commenting on an abusive post or message
Even a comment like LOL or a smiley face on an abusive post can make the other person feel much worse, like they’re being ganged up on.

Find a new way to gain people’s respect
Find a way to gain people’s genuine respect. This could be as simple as resolving to answer more questions in lessons. You could practise your favourite sport and become fitter or work on a talent, like singing, dance or drawing.

Speak to ChildLine
You might worry that no-one will help you if you admit to bullying. We won’t judge you or put you down – ChildLine are here to listen to you, no matter what your worry is.

http://www.childline.org.uk

Tring Martial Arts Academy– Keeping our kids safe

People are sending me nasty texts….

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

If you are receiving nasty or threatening texts or calls on your mobile, tell an adult like a parent or teacher. They can help you put a stop to this. If it doesn’t stop you need to tell the police.

All UK mobile companies are used to dealing with nuisance calls and will have people you can call who can help you deal with this. In the meantime:

  • •Don’t reply to any nasty messages you receive.
  • Keep the messages that you have been sent so you can show someone.
  • Don’t answer any calls that are from a withheld number, or from a number 
    you don’t know.
  • Change your mobile number and only give your new number out to close friends.
  • If the problem is serious, tell the police or you can call us and we can help.

Mobile phone operators can’t bar a particular number from contacting another phone, but you can do this on some handsets. Check your phone’s user guide to see if yours can. They can only take action about the bully’s account such as blocking it, if the police are involved. Find out more about being bullied through your mobile.

Tring Martial Arts Academy – Keeping our Kids safe!

What is Sexting?

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

‘Sexting’ is when someone sends or is sent sexually explicit pictures or videos on their mobile phone. You might be encouraged to take pictures of yourself naked or film yourself doing things that you may not be happy about and send them to people. There may also be pressure on you to look at explicit messages that people have been sent, and to encourage other people to get involved.

It’s important to only do what you feel comfortable with. Remember that once you have sent a picture or video to someone else or put it up online, you have no control about where it will go and who will see it. Before sending anything, take a moment to think how you would feel if it ended up on YouTube or on Facebook. If you wouldn’t want anyone else to see it, don’t send it.

If you are worried about anything to do with sexting or being bullied anywhere, you can talk to ChildLine on 0800 1111. Get information and advice about sexting

Tring Martial Arts Academy – Keeping our kids safe

Obesity in children

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

posted by James Laver, Work Experience 2012.

Many children nowadays are self-conscious of how they look. With the media constantly hypnotising us into looking great, many children often feel that they are ugly, to fat, or to thin. This has a major effect on a child’s life, and can lead to mild depression, paranoia and eating disorders. Two of the most common are anorexia and bulimia, diseases which cause people to loose huge amount of weight. These are considered to be highly dangerous diseases, and in some cases life threatening. Why is it then that obesity is often overlooked, and not believed to be dangerous or have great effect on a child’s life?

Here are some facts and figures from a website called WitWeightLoss, which aims to make people more aware of the problem:

1.     Obesity is the number one health problem in the world, yet is constantly being overlooked.

2.     Obesity can lead to high cholesterol, heart attacks and low insulin production.

3.     30% of children ages 2-12 in 2010 were overweight or obese.

The above figures show how big an issue obesity is becoming. The main ways of preventing this problem are:

         Regular exercise, at least 20 minutes of vigorous exercise per day.

         Reducing the amount of sugars eaten.

         Increasing the amount of fruit and vegetables in the child’s diet.

         It is said that a child or teenager aged 5-18 should do approximately 60 minutes of exercise per day, this can be spread out throughout the day, and includes vigorous sports such as football of swimming, or less vigorous activities such as walking or jogging.

Obesity can be prevented. A healthier future for a child is a happier future.

Here at Tring Martial arts we aim to prevent these problems before they arise. So for a happier future, visit our website www.tringmartialarts.com 

 

Martial Arts: Help Stop Bullying for Good!!

Tuesday, July 3rd, 2012

posted by James Laver, Work Experience 2012

As teenagers progress through secondary school, their social groups expand, which often means getting involved with new people. In some cases, under the right influence, this can be beneficial, but for others, peer pressure and bullying may play a major role in a teenager’s life and can lead to depression, self-conscience and anger issues.

According to Teenhealth.com (a website which supports young adults and children) it is said that 1 in 4 bullies will hold a criminal record by the time they are 30. This is a huge amount, and rapidly increasing. This may be due to anger, domestic problems, or family issues such as a parents divorce. They may feel lonely, isolated and this can lead them to take their anger out on others. They target people who are different or weaker then themselves.

But both bullies and victims can relieve their anger, self-conciseness and depression through activities such as martial arts. It helps bullies relieve stress, and therefore means they do not feel the need to lash out at others. They have a target, a purpose and something to look forward to every week. They can work their way up the ladder, and strive to be the best. Similarly, victims of bullying feel a boost of confidence, and don’t feel the need to be scared of going to school. They can stand up to their bullies and no longer feel threatened in everyday life. Martial arts is not just kicking and punching, but a way of relaxing, unwinding, and tackling bullying for good.

Let Tring Martial Arts Academy help you or your family member to understand how, why and when to defend themselves.  www.tringmartialarts.com

 

I am a bully, what can I do to stop?

Monday, May 28th, 2012

If you are a bully, then you can change. Firstly, try and work out why you bully others.

  • Do you mean to upset or hurt others?
  • Do you know when you are bullying?
  • Is something making you miserable?
  • Do you feel left out or lonely at school?
  • Is someone picking on you?
  • Is there a particular person that you pick on?
  • Does something make you feel angry or frustrated?
  • Do you go around with a gang which bullies people?

How can I stop bullying?

Apologise to your former victim – Do it privately and don’t be upset if they are still suspicious of you – they just need to get used to the ‘new you’

Get a job or do voluntary work – people outside school won’t know that you have been a bully and won’t be put of by your reputation

Develop new interests – find out about local clubs and groups you could join

Talk to someone about the problem

Take positive steps to help yourself. Some adults who were bullies as children often end up with all sorts of problems – failed relationships, few friends, frequent job changes, even prison records.

Save yourself future grief by stopping bullying now.

Tring Martial Arts – helping keep our kids safe 

Sibling Bullying and how to prevent it

Monday, May 28th, 2012

extracted from an article published byThe Independant

ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD Jessica is terrified of the bully lying in wait. Every day she is baited, kicked and slapped. Her only solution, she reckons, is to run away from home. For Jessica’s 14-year-old tormentor is her sister.

 

Jessica is one of the desperate children who have rung ChildLine in recent months, targets of sibling bullying and abuse. Of the calls the charity receives about brothers and sisters, 15 per cent involve serious violence.

Scotland Yard’s child protection unit has 318 cases of sibling violence on its 1991 file, including two murders and 30 cases of GBH. But these are only the most extreme cases. It says nothing of the countless children for whom sibling bullying may not lead to a tragedy but certainly leaves bruised minds if not bodies.

Inquiries within our circle of friends alone threw up a surprising number of adults who had suffered at the hands of a brother or sister: knives and even airguns had been used.

In the United States, where the problem has been slowly gaining recognition since the late Seventies, research has indicated that sibling violence – biting, kicking, punching and attacks with implements – is the most common form of domestic violence. Three recent studies reveal that though aggression is more likely to erupt between same-sex siblings, boys and girls are equally aggressive. Other research suggests that siblings do not often ‘tell’ on each other.

Dr Sue Edwards, a domestic violence expert at the University of Buckingham, believes that although we do not hear about abusive brothers and sisters, there are plenty of them. ‘I think we can say it’s a deep, dark secret,’ she says. ‘I don’t know how we would know about it anyway, because what voice does a child really have? Where would a sibling go? How could a 13-year-old girl go to the police and say, ‘My 15-year-old sister is punching me’?’

Dr Edwards believes that the problem is likely to be masked because children are seen as equals. Aggression is usually seen as no more than ‘kids will be kids’ fisticuffs, or good old-fashioned sibling rivalry. ‘It’s been internalised in our language,’ she says, ‘mothers saying ‘it’s six of one and half a dozen of another’ and ‘I’ll knock your heads together’. Fighting is seen as almost an innocent form of development – yet where are the boundaries?’

Childcare experts seem to agree that sibling rivalry reaches danger point when a pecking order takes root. Fighting moves beyond the two-way aggression of normal sibling squabbles and one child is dominant. One child might break up the other’s possessions, even turn on the other’s personal pet.

Dr Penelope Leach, a child development expert, believes parents must rid themselves of the ‘blood is thicker than water’ notion which says that whatever happens within the family must be all right.

‘There’s this great desire to assume, ‘Yes, it’s a love/hate relationship but the love’s always stronger’,’ she says. ‘That’s probably usually true, but you have to be alert to the possibility that it isn’t true. Parents have to ask themselves, ‘Would this behaviour be acceptable if it were school friends rather than siblings?’ ‘

Dr Leach cites an example of one family in which three children, all now successful professionals, lived under the tyranny of the eldest brother. ‘Mostly it was extreme bossiness and power play and they were very frightened of him and have never forgiven or forgotten. It was a real factor in what they felt about going home and desperately not wanting their parents to go out in the evening. The youngest girl grew up with extremely low self-esteem, feeling fat and stupid, and she puts a great deal of that at her brother’s feet.

‘Her parents were aware but they didn’t take it seriously enough. I know the mother would have taken it very seriously if the children had felt the same way about their father. But because there were four children it was a case of ‘Well, we must all try and rub along together and it’s natural to feel like this about a big brother’.’

One possible cause is that children who feel powerless within their family can empower themselves by dominating another sibling. Or a child who is given too much responsibility for their brothers and sisters can lash out at them in anger at their parents.

And there is anecdotal evidence that children who are smacked by their parents may respond with violence against their siblings.

Child psychologists urge parents to be careful how they handle the birth of a new child. An older child can experience overwhelming fears of loss of love and attention and if the transition is not handled in a balanced way it can spark off the intense jealousy that can breed violence.

Margaret McAllister, an educational psychologist, says parents’ ill-judged comparisons between their children can be the harbingers of bullying. ‘A parent might ask a child to model him or herself on another, or else blame the child for not living up to superior qualities in another sibling,’ she says. ‘But covert comparisons may be made by the child. If a child observes that a sibling is preferred, he or she will make the comparison – and react.’

Her advice is to look out for signs of trouble and act. ‘If any parent thinks the relationship between their children isn’t a healthy one, they should seek outside help. Go to a GP for referral to a therapist or ask teachers about seeing an educational psychologist.’

Tring Martial Arts – helping to keep our kids safe

Face Bullying With Confidence

Monday, May 28th, 2012

Here are some practices you can work on with the young people in your life.

1. Walk With Awareness, Calm, Respect, and Confidence

People are less likely to be picked on and more likely to be listened to if they walk, sit, and act with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence. This means keeping one’s head up, back straight, taking brisk steps, looking around, having a peaceful face and body, noticing what is happening around you, and moving away from people who might cause trouble.

Show the differences between acting passive, aggressive and assertive in body language, tone of voice, and choice of words. Coach your child to walk across the floor, coaching her or him to be successful, by saying for example; “That’s great!” “Now take bigger steps”, “Look around you” “Straighten your back.” etc.

2. Leave in a Powerful, Positive Way

The best self-defense tactic is called “target denial,” which means “don’t be there.” Act out a scenario imagining being in a place relevant for each kid. For example, suppose your child gets bullied walking in the school corridor. You can pretend to be a bully standing by the wall saying and doing mean things such as shouting insults, making faces, or pointing. Ask your child what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places.

Coach your child to veer around the bully in order to move out of reach. Remind your child to leave with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence, glancing back to see where the bully is. Let your child practicing saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like “See you later!” or “Have a nice day!” while calmly and confidently moving away. Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice.

3. Set Boundaries

If another kid keeps following your child or threatens your child in a situation where she or he cannot just leave, your child needs to be able to set a clear boundary.

Start the practice by pretending to poke your child in the back (do this very gently; the idea is not to be hurtful). Coach your child to turn, stand up tall, put his or her hands up in front like a fence between you, palms facing outwards and open, and say “Stop!”

Coach your child to use a calm, clear voice and polite, firm words- not whiney and not aggressive. Show how different tones of voices and choices of words can sound rude, weak, or both powerful and respectful. Praise your child for trying even if she or he does not get it right to begin with. Realize that acting out being bothered might be triggering for your child — and maybe for you too.

Your people – and adults as well – need support to learn these skills. The goal is to be able to take charge of your space by moving away and, if need be, setting boundaries as soon as a problem is about to start. That way, your child is ready to take positive action rather than waiting.

4. Use Your Voice

Your voice is a powerful self-protection tool – and also an important tool in advocating for others.

Suppose somebody is trying to push, trip, or hit your child, or knuckle her or his head. Start the practice by holding your child gently and, very slowly and gently, acting as if you are about to physically bother him or her. The goal is to practice, not to be scary or hurtful. Coach your child to pull away and yell, “NO!” really loudly. Coach him or her to say, “STOP! I don’t like that!” Coach your child to leave quickly.

Pretend to block your child from leaving a bathroom, using threatening language that your child suggests. For example, “I’m going to get you! You disrespected me!” Coach your child to look you in the eyes and speak in a firm, respectful voice with both hands up and open palms facing between you like a fence, saying, “I’m sorry I offended you. I just want to leave.” Pretend not to leave. Coach your child to practice yelling words like, “STOP! LEAVE! I NEED HELP!” Or, “______ is bullying me in the bathroom. I need help!” Make yells short, strong, and low, breathing from the belly rather than the throat. Teach your child to leave and go to an adult for help.

Practice with your child how to speak up when others are being bullied if it is safe to do so. For example, practice saying firmly and politely, “That was an unkind thing to do. Please stop!” See Speaking Up About Putdowns at www.kidpower.org.

5. Protect Your Feelings From Name-Calling

Schools, youth organizations, social groups, and families should create harassment-free zones just as workplaces should. However, you can teach children how to protect themselves from insults. Tell your child that saying something mean back makes the problem bigger, not better.

One way to take the power out of hurting words by is saying them out loud and imagining throwing them away. Doing this physically and out loud at home will help a child to do this in his or her imagination in real life. Help your child practice throwing the mean things that other people are saying into an imaginary Trash Can. Have your child then say something positive out loud to himself or herself to take in.

For example, suppose someone says, “I don’t like you!” You can throw those words away and say, “I like myself.” If someone says, “You are stupid” you can throw those words away and say, “I’m smart.” If someone says, “I don’t want to play with you” then you can throw those words away and say, “I will find another friend.”

6. Speak Up for Inclusion

Being left out is a major form of bullying. Exclusion to shame or shun someone should be clearly against the rules at school, in sports, and in youth organizations – in fact, everywhere.

However, suppose a child’s negative behavior causes other kids to avoid him or her. This situation is very different than a child being deliberately excluded to make her or him feel bad. In this case, the child being avoided needs help in developing more positive social skills. The kids around this child need help in explaining to adults what the problem is and in understanding ways to be kind towards this child while taking care of their own boundaries.

Young people need to know how to be persistent in speaking up for inclusion for themselves and others. For example, here’s how to help a child practice persisting in asking to join a game. As the adult, you can pretend to be a bully who wants to exclude. Coach your child to walk up to you and say, “I want to play.” Coach your child to sound and look positive and friendly, not whiny or aggressive.

Ask your child the reasons that kids give for excluding him or her. Use those reasons so your child can practice persisting. For example, suppose the reason is, “You’re not good enough!” Your child can practice saying “I’ll get better if I practice!” Suppose the reason is, “There are too many playing already!” Your child might practice saying, “There’s always room for one more.” Suppose the reason is, “You cheated last time!” Your child might practice saying, “I did not understand the rules. Let’s make sure we agree on the rules this time.”

Children can also learn to speak up for inclusion of others. Pretend to be a kid who wants to exclude another kid. Coach your child to speak up by saying in a powerful, respectful voice., “Leaving people out is unfair and unkind.” Or, “Give her a chance!” Or, “That’s not cool!” As the kid who is excluding, say, “If you play with ______, I won’t play with you.” Coach child to say something like, “I want to play with both of you. But, if you don’t want to play with us, it’s your decision.”

7. Be Persistent in Getting Help

Children who are being bullied or who witness bullying need to be able to tell teachers, parents, and other adults in charge what is happening in the moment clearly and calmly. They need to be prepared to persist even if these adults are very distracted or rude – and even if asking for help has not worked before. Learning how to have polite, firm words, body language and tone of voice even under pressure and to not give up when asking for help is a life-long skill.

We have found that practice is helpful for both children and adults in learning how to persist and get help when you need it:

    • Pretend to be a teacher or someone else who your child might expect help and support from. Tell your child who you are pretending to be and where you might be at school. Have your child start saying in a clear calm voice, “Excuse me I have a safety problem.”
    • You pretend to be busy and just ignore your child!
    • Coach him or her to keep going and say: “Excuse me, I really need your help.”
    • Act irritated and impatient and say, “Yes. what is it now?” and keep being busy.
    • Coach your child to say something specific like, “The girls over there are calling me

names and not letting me play with them. I have told them I don’t like being called names and that I want to play but they won’t listen. ” or “Those boys keep coming up and pushing me. I have tried to stay away from them but they keep coming up to me and won’t leave me alone.” Or, “I just saw _____ hitting ______.” At school, teachers want children to try to solve their problems when they can. However, adult intervention is needed if this does not work or if someone is being harmed.

  • You say: “That’s nice!” as if you heard but did not actually listen. This is very common for busy adults.
  • Coach your child to touch your arm and keep going “Please, to listen to me this is important!”
  • Now you get irritated and say “Can’t you see I’m busy!?”
  • Tell your child that sometimes adults get angry and don’t understand but not to give up in asking for help and to say the specific problem again: “I do not feel safe here because (state specific problem again) ______________.”
  • You minimize and say: “What’s the big deal? Just stay away from them.”
  • Coach your child to be persistent and say again, staying calm and firm, “My parents told me that kids are supposed to be safe at school. This isn’t safe, and I need your help. Please listen.”
  • Now change your demeanor so that your child can see you are listening and understanding and say “Oh! I am sorry I yelled at you, and I am glad you are telling me. Tell me more, and we will figure out what to do.”

Remind your child that, if the adult still does not listen, it is not his or her fault. The child’s job is to keep asking until someone does something to fix the problem. Tell your child that you always want to know whenever she or he has a problem with anyone anywhere anytime. Ultimately, adults are responsible for creating safe environments for the children in their lives and for being good role-models for children by acting as their advocates. See Bullying in Schools: Seven Solutions for Parents.

8. Use Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort

Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them. At Kidpower, we teach that fighting is a last resort – when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help. However, bullying problems are often not as clear-cut as other self-defense issues.

Families have different rules about where they draw the line. Have conversations with your child to discuss when you think a physical self-defense technique is justified and when not. Be very specific. Schools will often punish a child who fights back. Some of our students’ parents have warned the school in writing ahead of time that, since the school has not protected their children from bullying, they will back their children up if they have to fight.

Learning physical self-defense helps most children become more confident, even if they never have to use these skills in a real-life situation. Just being more confident helps children to avoid being chosen as a victim most of the time. Give your child the chance to practice Bully Physical Defense techniques like kicking someone in the shins, pinching someone’s leg or upper arm, or hitting someone in the chest. You can practice in the air or by holding a sofa cushion. There are different self-defense techniques for more dangerous situations that kids should also learn. Consider sending your child to a class like Kidpower. See How to Choose A Good Self-Defense Program.